i confronted lily as to whether she was an actor being paid to be my friend. she confessed and said i even had my own line of pastel emmie twee show lunch boxes. i want one.

26/3/10: clown

me and lily talking about really deep shit.

25/3/10: spit it out

mine and rosie's encounter with a very small man with a very big stutter. i'm sorry i drew through his head.

24/3/10: hurl

kiran mahey: life on the edge.

24/3/10: rebound

kiran's logistical and supportive response to my new singledom at tap.

20/3/10: a general mess

me and kiran discussing the decline of a certain local dj. yes there is a spelling mistake. *qualify

20/3/10: same face

this pretty much does what it says on the tin.

20/3/10: escape

we put florence on a harness. she escaped it, harness fully entacted.

20/3/10: auto boy

dad's recollection of his childhood. febi's confusion.

20/3/10: fly

i went into work out of uniform to organise a shift covering and recieved a warm welcome.

19/3/10: HI FIVE!!!!

me & febi being chatted up at roberta's 16th. i am 21 and febi was more interested in the "geoffrey hut" sign that she'd found.

19/3/10: strange combo

a woman walked past me at the station with a black over coat, work trousers and then a long white floaty cardigan inbetween the two. it looked really weird and far too long. 5minutes later a car drove past with the end of a floaty white cardigan hanging out the door. serves you right.

18/3/10: ahem

i had to call horst friedrichs about the work experience but was unsure of how to pronounce his name. here is my mum's idea of how the conversation should go.

pacman

jonathan lapping up culture like a cultural pacman.

secretary

i'm fed of keep having to scan images. if i can be bothered i will, if not i will take a picture of them, like now. here kannen and the rest of the boys turned up looking for shaun, but were more intent on telling me i looked like i worked in an an office. way to make me feel good about my new glasses guys!

..... HYDE..... PARK.....

facebook conversation with grandad jim & toby's response to a joke.

a dance at a family wedding when i was about 12 that suddenly came to mind (the dancer in question shall remain unnamed). opposite page: me taking a hammer to the wall in response to the screaming children and their in-need-of-super-nanny parents next door.

twydall is reminded of me when he sees the tresemme advert and james' attempt of a post-casino's hug turning into a post-casino's fight.

woman at the station telling me of a secret location where i might want to take photographs and james' heartbreak at my cat bailey having to return home.

manager rich is intimidated by my swagger. bridiemissesme.co.uk

fat child in specsavers eyeing up my milkshake.

check out my technology

critique with dan holdsworth talking about jasz's work and bailey's new obsession with pulling out cd's from the rack. he had the choice of some greats: the beatles, the temptations, best of mod and ska, pure groove... but as my mum discovered, he went for the above. no my mum isn't chinese.

construction site wanker (literally)

me and my sister's obsession with this song and the stripper we got for beca's birthday bash part 2. he basically just wanked himself off infront of us, fully naked.

I'M AN O.A.P. FOOL!!!

o.a.p night at source bar with my boyfriend twydall and beca's birthday cake party. kiran spilt a drink then used to word "fool" in all seriousness and context.

rosie posie

how coincidental that the person my first books were shared with should come visit me the day i start my latest book. rosie haward was responsible for many a mouthing of "pass me your book" in drama lessons to record an observation, usually involving a comment about green shoes or an aborigine in a tree. i would then proceed to throw it at her head and declare "welcome to bookface" as it was around the time of facebook's birth.

to honour rosie's contribution to the books, i thought it only fitting that she should be allowed to write the first page.

twee x

note: the 11th of march is tomorrow, but rosie has now decided that she can't come to casino's, EVEN THOUGH she finishes at 9 and we never leave til about 11. i have a right mind to delete this entire entry.

bon jour

this blog is dedicated to all those who have seen one of my books and declared "you know you should really publish these!" that's clearly not going to happen. they are nonsensical and the drawings are shit and the input from drunken strangers on nights out are so graphic and vulgar that no publishing company in their right mind is going to give me any sort of funding to do so. and if they were mad enough to, i can hardly see waterstones being happy about the idea.

but anywho, the books of twee is a project which has been subconsciously been on-going since i was 16 going on 17 (i know that i'm naive). having started as a notebook just for my school work, it is strange to see how each one has evolved and have now become these sacred capsules of my life which i deny any university notes to ever get a look at (unless i REALLY have nothing to write on, then i shove it in the back 'cause that bit doesn't really count).

this blog marks the beginning of vol. 7. she is grey and floral and arguably the prettiest of the series yet. i apologise on behalf of my eczema ridden right hand to anyone who is unhappy with their simplified representation but when i'm famous and people are wanting to pay millions for my unobtainable books, you'll be lapping up the fact that one of your arms is shorter than the other so pipe down.

twee x