26/4/10 The Ethnic Aisle.

charlie and wai-sum "getting all asian" in the ethnic aisle.

26/4/10 loveliness in a cup

wai-sum tries to teach a fashion troubled charlie the nutritional values of a cup-a-soup. charlie was having none of it.

26/4/10

jingleton would like the "cause of death" section on his death certificate to be rofling. i am preparing for an arguement with the reaper.

25/4/10 fancy dress.

kit is forgetful. i hate him.

25/4/10 Double H Haward

this just in: rosie's bra size finally revealed.

24/4/10 T.A.R.

tiny acts of rebellion. read it.

23/4/10 pogues in speedos

an absurd conversation with mark. i have no idea how we came to this point.

22/4/10 Afffffflactive.

rob regretted this the next day.

22/4/10 Victory

i had forgotten what the victory dance was about. i just had to ask rosie. i'd rather not divulge the context.

20/4/10 Control of the ipod.

i break things. and for the record, i find car scenes really difficult to draw. i'd appreciate in future that no humorous antics happen when you're in a car with me. thanks.

19/4/10 The brother I never wanted

shaun clearly thinks i'm retarded enough to think nothing of him walking into my room, dabbing his finger on a ink covered palette.

17/4/10 Exchange please.

an awkward exchange at work of which tracey was fully aware.

16/4/10 Ponita.

me and febi don't like being told what to do.

15/4/10 Emmie Andrews

biscuit making with bailey & the andrews sisters.

14/4/10 Hug?

i was genuinely trying to be nice.

13/4/10 Yes darling

febi hi 5ed john snow when he came to take the piss out of dartford for channel 4 news.

12/4/10 barbed wire

mum had been singing this song to me for the whole week previous. i had never heard it, until this day.

9/4/10

cba = can't be asked. apparently.

7/4/10 Vintage Christmas

rosie's nan's friend died. they cleared out her house and put it in mine.

6/4/10 gay (meaning happy)

me & rosie love the midnight beasts. end of.

6/4/10 Thank fuck.

i passed my theory test.

2/4/10: only fools.

my parents locked me out. a classic mug-up moment in the life of emmie twee, of which jay wouldn't shut up about.

1/4/10: kinder suprise

bridie's idea of a chat up line. it actually worked.

31/3/10: muffins

toby's excitement for le beat bespoke resulted in dancing with cakes.

30/3/10: ymca

i confronted lily as to whether she was an actor being paid to be my friend. she confessed and said i even had my own line of pastel emmie twee show lunch boxes. i want one.

26/3/10: clown

me and lily talking about really deep shit.

25/3/10: spit it out

mine and rosie's encounter with a very small man with a very big stutter. i'm sorry i drew through his head.

24/3/10: hurl

kiran mahey: life on the edge.

24/3/10: rebound

kiran's logistical and supportive response to my new singledom at tap.

20/3/10: a general mess

me and kiran discussing the decline of a certain local dj. yes there is a spelling mistake. *qualify

20/3/10: same face

this pretty much does what it says on the tin.

20/3/10: escape

we put florence on a harness. she escaped it, harness fully entacted.

20/3/10: auto boy

dad's recollection of his childhood. febi's confusion.

20/3/10: fly

i went into work out of uniform to organise a shift covering and recieved a warm welcome.

19/3/10: HI FIVE!!!!

me & febi being chatted up at roberta's 16th. i am 21 and febi was more interested in the "geoffrey hut" sign that she'd found.

19/3/10: strange combo

a woman walked past me at the station with a black over coat, work trousers and then a long white floaty cardigan inbetween the two. it looked really weird and far too long. 5minutes later a car drove past with the end of a floaty white cardigan hanging out the door. serves you right.

18/3/10: ahem

i had to call horst friedrichs about the work experience but was unsure of how to pronounce his name. here is my mum's idea of how the conversation should go.

pacman

jonathan lapping up culture like a cultural pacman.

secretary

i'm fed of keep having to scan images. if i can be bothered i will, if not i will take a picture of them, like now. here kannen and the rest of the boys turned up looking for shaun, but were more intent on telling me i looked like i worked in an an office. way to make me feel good about my new glasses guys!

..... HYDE..... PARK.....

facebook conversation with grandad jim & toby's response to a joke.

a dance at a family wedding when i was about 12 that suddenly came to mind (the dancer in question shall remain unnamed). opposite page: me taking a hammer to the wall in response to the screaming children and their in-need-of-super-nanny parents next door.

twydall is reminded of me when he sees the tresemme advert and james' attempt of a post-casino's hug turning into a post-casino's fight.

woman at the station telling me of a secret location where i might want to take photographs and james' heartbreak at my cat bailey having to return home.

manager rich is intimidated by my swagger. bridiemissesme.co.uk

fat child in specsavers eyeing up my milkshake.

check out my technology

critique with dan holdsworth talking about jasz's work and bailey's new obsession with pulling out cd's from the rack. he had the choice of some greats: the beatles, the temptations, best of mod and ska, pure groove... but as my mum discovered, he went for the above. no my mum isn't chinese.

construction site wanker (literally)

me and my sister's obsession with this song and the stripper we got for beca's birthday bash part 2. he basically just wanked himself off infront of us, fully naked.

I'M AN O.A.P. FOOL!!!

o.a.p night at source bar with my boyfriend twydall and beca's birthday cake party. kiran spilt a drink then used to word "fool" in all seriousness and context.

rosie posie

how coincidental that the person my first books were shared with should come visit me the day i start my latest book. rosie haward was responsible for many a mouthing of "pass me your book" in drama lessons to record an observation, usually involving a comment about green shoes or an aborigine in a tree. i would then proceed to throw it at her head and declare "welcome to bookface" as it was around the time of facebook's birth.

to honour rosie's contribution to the books, i thought it only fitting that she should be allowed to write the first page.

twee x

note: the 11th of march is tomorrow, but rosie has now decided that she can't come to casino's, EVEN THOUGH she finishes at 9 and we never leave til about 11. i have a right mind to delete this entire entry.